Only in the theatre...

[monkeybard]

Me:  My left knee is one big contusion.
Mark:  What from?
Me:  I think it must have been last night, when I dropped and killed Jack.
Jack:  (looking up at the sound of his name) What?
Me:  My knee is this huge contusion from when I killed you last night.
Jack:  Oh!  I'm sorry.

And a thought for the day:
Fluellen:  I'll tell you, there is good men
porn at Monmouth.
Henry V - IV, vii, 50-51